One of the hardest things to do when you feel stuck is to show up for others who do seem to have it all together.
The friend who just got engaged.
The co-worker who scored a promotion.
The partner who successfully pursuing their dream career.
It’s easy to know when we aren’t showing up for people.
To the receiver, it hurts when people cannot step outside of their story to be happy for you.
On the flip side, it can be tough to show up with joy and excitement for someone else when you’re not in the best mental space.
When you’re not exactly where you want to be, it can hurt to:
- See others in happy relationships
- Watch people travel
- Browse social media and see people having fun
- See your friend doing things with people beside you
The good news: it is possible to genuinely cheer for others when you’re not where you want to be.
Here are few tips to help you out.
1 – Step Outside Yourself
People who compare themselves to others are fixated on what they’re not doing or how they could be or should be doing something. Stepping outside of yourself makes it easier to not compare your story to someone else’s.
If you find yourself not being able to be happy for others, take steps to work through your issues by considering the following:
- What’s going on in my life that’s causing me to feel this way?
- What about this situation seems the most difficult part to accept?
- What can I do to show my support for this person?
Also: Challenge yourself to notice what you’re doing or do have. This will remind you that even if you don’t have that thing you envy in someone else, you have other things you’re grateful for.
2 – Identify Areas In Your Life That You Want To Improve
It can be hard to cheer for someone else going after their goals when your own goals feels unclear.
If you’re not clear about your goals, challenge yourself to write them down – yes, on real paper with a pen. For each goal, create a 3-step action plan so you know to get started.
Then, give yourself a reasonable deadline which means, taking into account what you have going on in other ares of your life and what you are personally capable of doing.
By knowing your goals and get clear action steps to get there, you can cheer people automatically.
3 – Change The Way You Talk About Yourself
The way you talk yourself might be your biggest hurdle. Speak to yourself kindly, the voice in your head should reflect motivation and inspiration, not doubt and fear.
Try writing down “I am statements”, following it up with something positive. Also, define your terms.
For example: if you want to be successful in your career, consider what your idea of success is. Because your idea of success may look different than someone else’s.
4 – Address What’s Holding You Back
If you’re feeling stuck, dig into why:
- What people, thoughts, and things are holding you back?
- Are you spending too much time with negative people?
- Do you believe in yourself?
- Are you spending your time browsing on social media looking at other people achieving their goals?
Despite how things appear for others, real success takes work and it requires knowing what you want that work to be and connecting deeply with why you want to do it.
Be kind to yourself if you fall into comparison trap, but know you’re capable of climbing our of it.
Even better – you can use it to help you grow into the person you want to be on your own terms.
You’re more than your stress and anxiety.
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