confident woman

How To Get Unstuck In The Negatives



Not getting what you want? That feeling when you keep doing your best everyday but things aren’t falling into place? Before you give up, read the points below and consider looking into your own life to see if there are any similar patterns.

6 Critical Reasons Why You’re Stuck

Not getting what you want? That feeling when you keep doing your best everyday but things aren't falling into place? Click through to get some insights on what you should do instead

1. Low self-esteem

If you want to achieve anything in life, it’s important to believe in yourself. If you are able to determine your strengths, make sure you utilize them to the best way you can.

And I know for a fact that it’s not easy. I remember when I was still in college and there was an event that I got interested in so much that I spent my whole weekends preparing for it.

But one thing happened…

The day before the actual event, I overheard that some of the “cool kids” will be participating and I just want to shrink – like seriously. I started to talk myself out of it –  that I’m not good enough, I’m not prepared enough and” I don’t have what it takes.”

This happened again and again and yes I got so comfortable to sit on the sidelines for years.

Here’s what you can do about it:

  • Focus on things that you CAN control
  • Do things that makes you feel good about yourself
  • Celebrate both big and small wins
  • Invest in amazing self-help books
  • Keep a journal to track your progress in being the best YOU

I also recommend this book called Awaken the Giant Within such a great read very helpful.

2. Comparing yourself to others

What do you feel when you compare yourself to others? Does it make you feel proud of who you are or does it make you question who you are, where you’ve been or even your aspirations in life?

The moment that you compare yourself to ANYONE is the exact moment that you deny yourself. And some people are not even aware of it!

Here’s an example I know you can relate.

It was summer and I was planning to go on a trip to Baguio City with my girlfriend and I’m so excited because I haven’t seen her for a while.

Then I go to Facebook to ask some suggestions from my friends and while I was waiting them to answer, I scrolled over my News Feed to see how’s everybody (because that’s what you do in Facebook other than stalking, eh?) and then I saw Greg – my former school mate. And Greg just visited Europe with her girlfriend, the pictures were amazing I’m sure they had a great time.

But something inside me feels kinda weird – heck, I am not excited to go to Baguio anymore. I felt poor, I felt like Greg is cool and I’m not.

This is just some of the bazillion examples of how comparing yourself can do instant if nor permanent damage to you.

Here’s what you can do about it:

  • You need to start minding your own business.
  • You have to realize that you can actually be happy for others without feeling inferior.
  • It makes sense to be grateful of what you have other than what you didn’t have
  • Don’t believe in everything that you see in social media most of them aren’t true.

Related: 37 Best Self-Help and Business Books For Women

3. Afraid to fail again

When was the last time you failed at something? What did you do about it?

Everyone has a different coping mechanism to fear, rejection and criticism. Others find it challenging and succeed while some stopped their tracks and never tried again.

Fear of the unknown…the countless “what ifs…”

What I’ve realized in my own life is that I get so pumped up to start something then if it didn’t turn out the way I planned I get so disappointed and sometimes I didn’t want to try again because I think I will get the same results so what’s the point? Right?

Here’s what you can do about it:

  • Before you start anything, make sure you have a backup plan.
  • Realize that you did your best and it’s OK to try again – the battle is not over until you say it’s over.
  • Be honest with yourself – accept that you failed and take some time to renew yourself

Related: Habits of Successful Women


4. No goals

Do you want to retire at the young age from the corporate world?

Do you want to own a business that will give you more time for your family? Even when you have a stable source of income but you don’t have any goals in place – you are sailing to nowhere. And you have to understand that coming up with a goal is only the first step – you have to work for it and make it happen.

[Tweet “Life without goals is like a race with no finish line; you’re just running to nowhere.”]

Here’s what you can do about it:

  • Evaluate yourself in what you CAN do before you set your goal.
  • Set your short-term goal MEASURABLE, CONTROLLABLE and REALISTIC.
  • Evaluate your short-term goal REGULARLY to achieve your long term goal.

Related: Are you Screwing Yourself?

5. Attracting negative things

Are you grateful that you still have a job since the last recession? Or are you thinking if when will the next recession will come and you might lose your job?

Are you blaming the government because until now you’re still poor?

Negativity will make you feel stressed, anxious, worried and inferior. You need to stop attracting negative things in your life and just focus on how to solve the problem.

And it’s not easy. I remember the time when I was in this kind of thinking I’ve fully convinced myself that I cannot buy a car, property or even maintain a savings account. I also had those moments where I would think that my fiance’ will leave me (thank God she didn’t!).

Watch this TED Talk from Alison Ledgerwood – this is amazing!

Related: Too Much Toxic Attitudes Can Kill You

6. Being complacent

Have you been with the same employer for over 5 years now? And you know it sucks but why are you still there? Or are you a business owner that wants to grow your sales but afraid to make an investment?

If you are afraid to leave your comfort zone you’re trap on the dangerous world of complacency. Be aware that being complacent is a comfortable trap – a smug feeling that there is nothing to be discovered, improved and achieved.

I’ve been working in the corporate world for 5 years and having good source of income made me complacent without thinking for BIGGER things. Until one day I got hospitalized – I have no money, no relatives to help out and I feel so sorry for myself.

Here’s what you can do about it.

  • Believe you are CAPABLE of change
  • Never STOP Learning
  • Try something NEW
  • Start being ACCOUNTABLE
  • Celebrate SMALL successes

Related: Bullet  Journals to Track Your Thoughts

Now, it’s your turn….

What do you think are the reasons why you’re stuck in the negatives?


  1. Vinz

    I’d say, I have to agree in everything that was written here. A good read for someone like me who almost forgot his dreams along time ago. Having a goal in life is important if you want to keep yourself motivated. Great post! I also love the new look of the site 🙂

  2. Kasia

    This is the first year when I started taking baby steps out of my comfort zone… and enjoyed it far too much! The change, and the achievements, won’t find us if we’re not proactively looking for them. And positive thinking is everything if we want to attract the change, too.

    Fantastic advice – thank you!

    1. Janica Khemlani

      Hi Kasia, I cannot agree more! It’s challenging but its so so so worth it in the end. 🙂 Happy you loved this!

  3. Style and Life by Susana

    I’ve gone through enough disappointments and heartaches in my life and I still won’t give up on my dream (being a successful blogger and hopefully one day a mother). Never give up. If its a dream that someone truly believes in and feels with all their heart, they shoudl continue on with it no matter what. Great post x

    1. Janica Khemlani

      I love what you said Susana! I agree to that 100%.Giving up is not an option especially if you have a dream. Thank you for inspiring us with your thoughts and were so happy you liked the article 🙂

  4. Stephen

    I am not afraid to fail; I have had plenty proctise.

    My self-esteem is fine, to the point where I am accused og arrogance.

    No my goals get missed because I suffer from brain fog, a damned awful symptom of multiple sclerosis and fibromyalgia.

    1. Ben Rei

      Sorry to hear that you missed your goal but I believe that you’re a strong man 🙂

    2. Janica Khemlani

      Ben is right! You’ve been this far DO NOT QUIT!

  5. Kylie Gravlee

    Really great advice!!! I can relate to SO many of these points. Thank you for sharing!!!

    Kylie Gravlee

    1. Ben Rei

      Thank you so much for reading. I’m happy you like it ?

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